Who?

A doe named Jane, or, Jane Doe. An unidentified female, or if you please, you can call me Butter. What? A blog featuring my writing, and things I love, which include, but are not limited to, soup, books, and all things nautical. When? Born in July, another one of those 20 something’s. Where? Tragically landlocked in Idaho. Why? For the sheer joy of existing. How? Take a gander and find out. Creative Commons License
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The Body Game

Does Christina Hendricks have love handles? Do you think Marilyn Monroe’s stomach was completely flat? Is it alright if my arms jiggle when I move sometimes? I am searching for bodies to validate my own. It’s 3AM and I haven’t eaten all day. I will become thin and beautiful one less meal at a time. I’m going to binge tomorrow. I can feel it. I’m scrolling through my, “thinspo,” and “thinspiration,” blogs. There are hundreds of them bookmarked on my computer; a little den of snakes for my own personal poisoning. I alternate between these and blogs with women with fleshy thighs, wasp-like waits, and breasts spilling out of corsets. I don’t know what my body looks like. There are some mornings when I wake up and watch as all 600 pounds of me waddles towards the mirror. Other mornings, I feel small, bird-like. There are mornings of feeling muscular, curvaceous, scarred, hideous, exceptionally beautiful, and a rainbow of other things, none of which I’m sure if I really am. I am searching for my body; it’s lost somewhere between all of these reflections. It’s 3AM and I hope someday I am happy with my body, but for now I am striving to be content.